Mixing Concrete

Over the last few months, I have been sharing a lot of my other hobbies and passions with all the interwebs to see both here and over on the book of faces.  Most of the sharing comes in the form of pictures of food I am either about to throw on a grill, something already on the grill or something just off the grill.  I very rarely share the recipes, only drool inducing photos.  Today, I thought I would share with you a recipe I have been perfecting for years.  A recipe so good, it could win a blue ribbon at any local 4H competition, how to properly mix concrete in your legs.

Anyone who has swung there leg over a bicycle either recreationally or competitively has at one time or another either experienced heavy or cramping legs.  Legs that just don't want to move.  Legs that have been set into concrete.  Follow these easy steps for your very own DIY concrete legs or do the exact opposite if you aren't the following type.

  1. Prep work is key.  If the area in which you are mixing the concrete isn't cleaned out properly the concrete will not settle and harden as it should.  The day before you are scheduled to pour the concrete, go out for a long hard ride.  This will ensure your leg cavities no longer have any toxins in them.  It also helps tear the muscle fiber in the tiniest of bits which allows the concrete to properly adhere to your quadriceps.  Proper rehydration is not suggested.  Have you ever tried pouring concrete straight into a lake?
  2. The morning of the pour, you may start to take in some fluids.  I recommend one glass of fluid in the early morning and that is it.  Be careful though, too much fluid and you will ruin the consistency of the mix which prevents the concrete from setting up perfectly.
  3. Follow that up with a long day in the hot sun.  You do not have to be doing anything active, just be out there.  This is when the pouring actually takes place.
  4. After a long day in the sun and the temperatures start to fall outside, you may have your first and only bite to eat for the day.  This bite needs to be in the form of pure junk.  Something with a good bit of sugar in it but with nothing of good nutritional value.  Gummy Bears, Mike & Ikes and vegan cupcakes all work well with two of the three tasting much better than the third. Certainly, nothing with protein.  Protein will start to speed up the body's attempt to repairing your torn muscles fibers which you worked so hard to rip in step one.  You might as well be breaking out a jackhammer!  
  5. The sugar you just took in will give your body just enough energy to keep the concrete from freezing overnight.  Frozen uncured concrete will crack a lot easier than if it cures fully.  Now go to bed.
  6. After waking up, go for another ride and reap the fruit of your labor.  If you followed the recipe exactly, you will be blessed with legs too heavy to move and your friends will think they are getting faster because they can actually keep up with you.